Thursday, January 22

why

Thursday, January 22
So I realized that a lot is riding on this trip. Don't get me wrong, I have heard many people tell me that study abroad will "change your life" and "you will never be the same." And I'm totally okay with that. (In fact, I can't wait) But lately, as we are about to leave, I've been sorting out my expectations...which are realistic and which are ridiculous? Sometimes you make a decision and later, when you're asked why, you really can't articulate it. This is my attempt.

I can't wait to leave so many worries behind this semester. 2008 was insane. It started out crazy, and continued to confuse me. At the same time, on its soil friendships blossomed like we were in a perennial spring. It was the most up-and-down year I have ever experienced. Worrying about grad school has been part of that. While I'm not planning on going to Europe for grad studies, maybe living far away, and in the cold, will help me assess the feasible distances.

I'm leaving a lot of things behind right now: studying for the GRE, working, sing, tutoring, thesis work, checking my email constantly, the go-go-go nonstop can't sit down mentality that's consumed my habits...It's not that this is going to be an irresponsible time for me, but I can't wait to stop thinking about what is so specific and immediate to my own little world, and to instead pause and consider what is lasting and meaningful: other people, other cultures, a global perspective, history sustained in ancient structures and philosophies and customs. I can't wait to get to know another continent. I can't wait to be well traveled. I can't wait to see the things in this world that are bigger than myself.

I knew no one when I signed up for this trip. And honestly? I am really proud of that fact! The challenge of making new friends is one I can't wait to get after. Plus the whole immersion in another culture thing probably won't exactly be easy. I don't really know how it will turn out. I think I'm looking for clarity: How do I see myself? How will I present myself to other cultures? Is this a test? Maybe. Why is it that we think that it's necessary to go somewhere to refocus? Is it? I think I need to refocus. I hope this is the right time and place for it. :)

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